Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Evaluating the Evil Overlord list, 81 - 90
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
Evaluation: Prudent, though it’s probably best to avoid the kind of situations that would give rise to such quandaries.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
Evaluation: Let’s say “sexual preference” instead, and we’ll be fine.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
Evaluation: I’m not sure you get a choice. If aligning the stones of power, etc. is the only path to REAL ULTIMATE POWER!! then you align the stones of power.
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
Evaluation: Prudent, but fuses aren’t magic. If the current exceeds their breaking capacity, it’s going to result in a short, and there probably isn’t a lot of documentation on the proper thresholds for doomsday devices. Yeah, take all reasonable precautions, but be aware that you’re in uncharted waters.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
Evaluation: Oh, good lord yes. Also, this applies to bottomless pits. I’m looking at you, Emperor Palpatine.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
Evaluation: Prudent. Even Skeletor eventually caught on.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.