I read once that you're only old when the ache of your nostalgia for what you've left behind becomes stronger than the thrill of anticipation for what the future holds.
I'm trying to resist that, by continuing to learn. The one thing I really like about myself is that I'm curious. I can't stand not knowing.
“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
So I'm seeking out new music, listening to podcasts, reading books I've never read before, by not wallowing in what was. But I have a natural predisposition towards melancholy to begin with, so it's not easy.
Also, I guess I am old now, because "Natural predisposition towards melancholy" sounds like a diagnosis from the Edwardian era.
I don't know if someone's basic nature can change beyond a certain point.
"What can change the nature of a man?" (50-year-old Josh remains topical with a video game reference from 25 years ago)
In general terms, I still hold the same values and share the same interests that I did when I was 31, when Percy was born. Or 23 when I got married. Or 21 when I became an adult. Or 18 when I graduated high school.
I'm still me.
The specific way these values manifest have changed because my circumstances and the world around me have, but the values that give rise to them, the fire that casts the shadows on the cave wall, have not, not fundamentally. Not really.
I still believe that people should be free to be who they are. I believe the strong must stand up for the weak, the voiceless. I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person, to steal a sentiment from the Unitarians.
Now that I'm older, I'm better positioned (or maybe just more inclined) to put myself out there and start enacting the changes I want to see in the world. I serve on the local school board, I was a trustee for our local library, I recently joined the local Rotary club.
However, it hasn’t always been easy. With increased involvement comes greater exposure, and that has left me vulnerable to the occasional unfounded and despicable rumor. Fortunately, one of the benefits of having lived this long is knowing who I am and what I stand for. While I’m still sensitive about certain things, I find the lies so detached from reality no longer have any power over me. I don't recognize myself in the person they're attacking. On the whole, it's worth it. I'm in a position to help people, so I do. And besides, "Your opinion of me means nothing when I know better."
We were always told that we would grow more conservative as we grew older, but that hasn't happened with me. Instead, I find myself increasingly idealistic while simultaneously becoming progressively more pragmatic. I believe, more than ever, that those values I enumerated must be championed, but it has to be done in way that allows them to be implemented effectively. Sometimes that involves compromising, and knowing when to compromise and when to stick to your ideals is the thorniest part.
It makes me think of the maxim "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Many people misinterpret this as a cynical attack on good intentions or as a warning against meddling, but I see it differently. To me, it shows the importance of not just wanting to do good but also taking responsibility for the outcomes of our actions. It's a warning that good intentions alone are not sufficient; when coupled with poor execution, lack of foresight, or ignorance, they can result in harm rather than benefit. It means there is a responsibility to anticipate potential outcomes and consider the full impact of what you're doing.
I don't want to be a three-day monk and tie everything to my current interests, and I know have have tendencies in this direction, but I'll return to the Rotary Club, because I think their four-way test for this purpose is a pretty good starting point.
Is it the TRUTH?
Is it FAIR to all concerned?
Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
I guess time will tell how I'm doing. Hard to know what your story is really about until you reach the end. Until that time, I'll keep doing my best.
Swing by in another fifty years and I'll give you an update.
Snuff gains a clear understanding of the final location for the Game and the nature of Bubo’s involvement. The shifting pieces finally come together, providing him with the clarity he needs to complete his calculations and prepare for the final act.
Cheeter reclaims his lost shadow and the natural instincts it represents, returning to his original self, free from the magical bindings imposed on him.
The bound horrors break loose during a magical attack, and Snuff and Jack struggle to contain the chaos. Ultimately, they secure the house and survive, but the threats continue to grow.
Snuff and Graymalk attempt to free Lynette from the vicar's clutches but barely escape themselves. Later, Snuff faces a grim fate with the vivisectionists, only to be saved by Jack's violent intervention.
"I've come for my dog," he said. "That's him on your table."
Snuff carefully balances his actions, choosing to keep some truths from Larry while sharing others. He seeks balance in his alliances, keeping peace with Quicklime while gathering critical information. The Count's multiple resting places disturb the balance of the Game’s patterns, forcing Snuff to recalculate. Even the Great Detective, usually in control, slips momentarily into the wildness of the music, revealing a delicate balance between order and chaos. Throughout, Snuff strives to maintain equilibrium as events swirl toward their climax.
Snuff and Graymalk proceed cautiously, holding back to avoid revealing too much too soon. The exchange with Nightwind is marked by mutual restraint, as both share information carefully without fully disclosing their motives and Snuff controls his instincts when confronted by the Body Parts Man, choosing caution over aggression.
Snuff uncovers layers of hidden intentions and false identities, from the vicar's involvement in the Game to the Great Detective's masquerade as a neighbor. Players and those on the fringes weave intricate lies, masking their true roles and alliances.
Snuff grapples with the unknown, weighing the roles of Larry, the vicar, and other potential players in the Game while trying to determine the exact center of manifestation.
As Snuff observes Jack’s late-night trip to the cemetery, he encounters a strange, lively marketplace of gravediggers exchanging body parts. Later, Snuff continues his tireless rounds, navigating both the business of the Game and his own weariness.
I really wanted to make "Reflection" the word of the day, based on how Snuff closes out the chapter ( Forgive me. The New Moon, as they say, gives rise to reflection. Time to make my rounds. Then some more dragging) but I couldn't make it work.
Snuff continues the exhausting task of moving the inspector's body to prevent its discovery, all while the Great Detective and others are getting uncomfortably close. With investigators poking around, Snuff must act swiftly to evade detection and keep their secrets safe.
Snuff outwits the Great Detective by leading him to Morris and MacCab's house instead of his own, diverting suspicion away from himself and Jack. At the same time, he continues mapping connections between the players in the Game, confirming his intriguing discoveries.
Snuff and Graymalk discover a murdered police officer near their homes and realize the danger it poses. Snuff undertakes the grim task of dragging the corpse toward the river.
Snuff dives headfirst into sleuth mode—spying on the Good Doctor's electrifying experiments, uncovering mysterious paw prints at Larry Talbot's place, and even coming face-to-face with the chilling Count. Amidst all this, he thwarts the Thing's escape back home. The Game's mysteries deepen, and Snuff is hot on the trail!
Snuff and Jack feel increasingly watched—encountering the Great Detective and Larry Talbot—which heightens their caution as they realize others are scrutinizing their actions in the unfolding Game.
(Finally caught up to the proper chapter after my late start)
Negotiation
Snuff engages in a delicate trade of information with Bubo, securing valuable details about the Count's resting place in exchange for a list of players.
Snuff analyzes the patterns of the players in the Game, mapping out their locations and attempting to derive the central point, while continuing to manage the Things under his watch.
Snuff and Jack's night takes a difficult turn with a long chase, and Snuff encounters new players in the unfolding Game, making the situation more intricate and uncertain.
Reviews of Ncuti Gatwa's episodes as the Doctor, featuring commentary from me (Josh!) and my kid Percy!
The Church on Ruby Road
Percy: Ruby is a great companion for the 15th doctor. They balance each other well. However, companions are becoming closer and closer to my age. Me? Nervous? Never.
Josh: Companions getting close to your age? Wait till the Doctor stops being older than you! Peter Capaldi was the last time I'm ever going to have that!
I didn't really warm to Ruby in this one. She was fine, just kinda there, but I tend to give the first episode of each new Doctor a pass. The writers have to juggle a lot of stuff, primarily introducing a new audience to the universe, and having a companion show too much personality could distract from that. So they're a little flatter in their characterization than they would be otherwise.
RTD has always used music well, going back to the Toxic scene from Eccleston's run.
Josh's Score: 7/10
Space Babies
Percy: I just wasn't super sold on the premise. Sorry to any space babies reading out there.
Josh: You made the Space Babies cry, you monster. I like the absurdity, and I like the smaller "Base under siege" type stories, because there is a tension. Obviously the Daleks aren't going to succeed in destroying the universe but they could be successful in wiping out a bunch of scientists and soldiers.
I mean, obviously, not in this specific instance. You're not going to reboot your beloved children's show by killing a bunch of babies, but I think you take my larger point.
And it is a children's show. It's beloved by those adults who grew up watching it, but it was conceived as a children's show and it has arguably evolved beyond that but it's a show for kids and it's okay to be silly.
Tell 'em, Tom!
Besides, that's the kind of storytelling I like and the distillation of what I think science-fiction should be, asking "What if this were true?" and extrapolating and playing it straight from there.
Josh's Score: 6/10
The Devil's Chord
Percy: Drag demon? I'm down for that concept. Go on...
I did think some things were done well here. The crawling out of the piano, the scene of complete silence, the rooftop song for sad lesbians (Josh: Surely that's the name of someone's band), and the brief Charlie Heaton cameo. (Editor's note: Not actually Charlie Heaton, though the resemblance is uncanny) Yes, Music was overdramatic and loud, but guys, it’s MUSIC, the child of the TOYMAKER, what part of that character would ever be read as stoic and phlegmatic?
Josh: I like these mythic episodes. The Seventh Doctor era is my favorite and one of its defining characteristics was his battle against the Elder Gods.
Jinkx Monsoon as Maestro was radiating WOULD YOU LIKE A LARGE HAM?! energy.
"I thought it was non-diagetic!" made me laugh out loud.
Percy: I liked it more than my dad did, which is a low bar, because he hated it. Some of it was a bit heavy handed, and when my dad remarked that he thought the twist was predictable I was surprised, because I hadn't realized it was meant to be a twist. I legitimately thought it was just a plot point we had already known. I do like a one-location episode though, sue me. I will say, it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth when the Doctor shat all over the concept of faith in and of itself. Organized religion can be and often is dangerous, but a young woman who believes in a larger force looking out for her does not deserve to be absolutely microwaved like that in front of a crowd. Also that guy's daughter was so stupid it was exhausting.
Josh: This episode was dogshit.
I'm generally good at making a distinction between "This was bad" and "I didn't like this" or "I would have done this differently." I can respect the craftsmanship of a well-told story that just doesn't "work" for me. I don't think that's what this was. I think it was just bad. Too quippy, too infatuated with its own cleverness, too eager to call back to Moffat's earlier work. I'm not religious, but it rubbed me the wrong way when the Doctor took some unnecessary cheap shots at the concept of faith.
My very favorite moment from Classic Who is the Haemovores attacking the church in Curse of Fenric. They're a kind of vampires, and like vampires, they are repelled by an expression of faith. You have to watch his lips because the sound mixing is bad and you can't hear the spoken words over the music, but the Doctor recites the names of his past companions, "Barbara, Ian, Susan..." That's what he has faith in.
Years ago, I was watching an episode ("Anniversary Dinner") of the Horror anthology show Tales from the Darkside with my buddy Tim.
It had a hiker with a twisted ankle or somesuch, and she comes across an older couple in the woods. The old woman is nice, the old man is mean. There was an earlier establishing scene with the older couple, where the old man cuts his finger and his wife licks at the blood and asks, "How can an old sourpuss taste so sweet?" and then they say something about "Having the children over FOR DINNER" (looks directly into camera), and we're like "Well, they're cannibals. Are they really going to try to tease this the entire episode?" Yes, that was the twist.
The marines are fighting a war against nobody. They couldn't have made it clearer if someone had winked at the camera hot time tub machine style.
I'm reminded of Roger Ebert's review of North.
I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
Josh's Score: 0/10
73 Yards
Percy: Delightfully creepy. Nails the feeling of isolation. Really fleshes out Ruby's personality. A great character episode, a solid standalone as well as a valuable addition to the season, an overall win. Plus, the aging makeup was better than I might've expected. I love it when an episode makes me want to cover my back a little bit. The tavern scene achieved that feeling!
Josh: I'm firmly of the opinion that exactly one Doctor-light episode is the right number for a season.
Ruby got a chance to shine. Millie got a chance to show off her acting chops. Great character moments with the supporting cast in the tavern.
I always enjoy throwaway references to alternate futures. (I'm thinking of how the Doctor mentions that he was with the Filipino Army when it marched on Reykjavik in the 51st century.) This story does that trope well.
With Roger ap Gwilliam, I think RTD succeeded where Chris Chinball failed. Chinball's first series had no returning monsters and I think that he understood that for Doctor Who to grow, it would have to introduce new and interesting adversaries. He didn't quite hit the mark, but I give kudos for attempting something new. Roger ap Gwilliam is introduced, built up and vanquished in less than an hour. He's referenced later in the season, but I don't think we'll be returning to him later one. His story was told.
Really good, in the way Midnight was good. Unnerving. There was a wrongness to it, in all the right ways.
10/10
Dot and Bubble
Percy:
Q: What is Black Mirror without sex, setting, and subtlety?
A: Dot and Bubble.
However, it's nice that we're clearly letting children design the monsters again.
One additional point because I appreciate sending a colony of rich space racists out into immediate and horrible death.
Josh: I...liked this one. I don't know how I raised such a cynical child.
I mean, yeah, it's not a subtle work. We're watching the Boys now and I grew up reading the Narnia books and they were each about a billion times more nuanced with their metaphors.
However, I like that it surprised me in the same way that Voyage of the damned where the one rich jerk, (Rickston Slade, the fucking prick), survives and celebrates, observing that the circumstances of the episode would make him even richer. I like seeing jerks get their comeuppance as much as anyone, but it feels better if it doesn't happen all the time.
I didn't think the scene at the end with the survivors rejecting the Doctor was racist. I thought it was classist. However, other people smarter than I observed that Lindy didn't have any non-white friends. Like all good twists, it's obvious when you know the secret.
I didn't notice, because I haven't needed to be vigilant like that in my day to day interactions. It hasn't been necessary for me to cultivate that awareness. I'm aware that it's a reflection of my privilege.
But RTD has confirmed that this was his intent and I went back and watched it and it is extremely conspicuous if you know to look for it. I guess the message in Dot and Bubble was just too subtle for Josh
Josh's score: 7/10
Rogue
Percy: This is a great episode of Doctor Who. Emotional, poignant, dramatic, alien. Jonathan Groff is so beloved within my personal friend circle that his appearance in this episode has devolved into a joke, where an attractive person is referred to as 'straight up Groffin' it'
Spawned from this
I wish he got a chance to sing, but that can wait for when we see him again.
...right?
(One last note- A lost loved one is a tried and true way to characterize a Doctor and give some motivation & personality to a new face. I'm looking forward to the Groff search.)
Josh: He better come back. He's a less problematic Cap'n Jack.
I tend to prefer my Doctors to be asexual. Not a dealbreaker, just a preference. I think partnering him with a human diminishes that essential alien nature. So, No Ten and Rose. (Percy: The only suitable partner for Rose is an oversized garbage disposal.) No River Song. No Moffat using discarded Coupling scripts for his entire run.
That said, I think the relationship with Rogue is one of the best human romances. Would they have made it long term or was it just mutual infatuation? I don't know but I'm interested in finding out.
I liked the dynamic between the aliens. Real Family of Blood/Human Nature vibe.
Love Indira Varma. Generally the best part of whatever she's in. I loved her as Suzie Costello in Torchwood.
Josh's Score: 10/10
The Legend of Ruby Sunday
Percy: The Harbinger speech was really solid, I liked the sense of dread there. The kid genius character is a nice guy in real life, and I'm happy he landed this role.
I wish Kate got more chances to be competent. It's frustrating to see a woman in power getting consistently shown up by a man, or a male-presenting Time Lord.
Josh: This episode was pretty great. Steadily rising dread throughout. Exquisitely paced.
Josh's Score: 8/10
Empire of Death
Percy: Not everything needs to be a one-for-one replica of Original Who. The Sutekh followers just look so goddamn stupid. Why does such a good show always fumble with their choice of contact lenses? It looked really good on the Harbinger and tremendously, embarrassingly shit on everyone else.
The 7th Doctor's sweater vest (AMERICA!) cameo was cute. I like the idea that the doctor carries love and nostalgia for all the people he has been. The 15th Doctor is all about self love, and this is a perfect way to represent that visually.
Reminds me of the "how blue eyed people look at you" joke
Spot the difference, readers
Yeah. Those looked like trash. Also, while I liked the TARDIS wordplay/misdirect, H. Arbinger was just lazy and certainly not clever enough to use TWICE! "Paging Doctor Acula..."
Despite all that, I liked the whole thing a lot. When Kate was dusted, I was like, "Guess we're getting a reset button at the end". I do love RTD, but he leans on that reset A LOT.
The mom with the baby was some of the best Who ever.
Mel's best televised outing. I liked seeing her curled up with the Seventh Doctor's jumper. It was just sweet.
It goes back to what I said at the beginning of this piece, with my comments on Space Babies and what I've been saying for years. Raising the stakes every season isn't sustainable. ("They threatened the universe last time and now they're threatening ALL THE UNIVERSES!!") It's mitigated in part, because of how it's tied to the human element. But not completely.
I liked Mrs. Flood. I enjoy the mystery that came with her and the fact that everything wasn't wrapped up in a season.
Josh's Score: 8/10
Overall, I liked the season a lot. Maybe my favorite of modern Who.
I enjoyed the era of the Internet when blogs were...if not mainstream, then less fringe when they are now. That was my jam! An era where long form essays were posted on non-SEO-optimized (because SEO was not yet a thing) single purpose websites.
It was always fun discovering a new one (maybe through a blogroll!) that shared your passions, exposed you to new ways of thinking about something you loved and diving into the archives.
That would at times give rise to an occasional melancholy when you realized they had their heyday eight years ago, and output trickled down to nothing and they hadn't posted since the last Olympic Games.
And, hey, I'm describing myself here!
(Obviously not the Olympic games, literally. That was a rhetorical device to denote a long period of time. I had some half-assed posts in April of last year.)
And my circumstances have changed. I'm busier. I write for eight to ten hours a day. I forget it if was Lindskold who said it, Zelazny or Lindskold quoting advice Zelazny had given her, but you never want to do a lot of writing in your day job, because of the simple fact that you're not going to want to do more writing when you get home.
Also, I have a kid who shares my distinctive last name and I don't want to post anything here that would make life more difficult than a teenager's life already is.
And on top of that, I'm an elected official these days(local board of education, which is still an elected position, even if people tend not to think of it this way) and subject to more scrutiny than other people might be.
However...
I like reading what I wrote. Most of it. Typos are always embarrassing, and my views have evolved, as anyone's should. There are things I posted back then that I would not post today. Or would at least express with more nuance and sensitivity. But learning from our mistakes is how we grow.
I don't delude myself that my writing here is important. But just the same, I'm happy that people have enjoyed reading what I wrote. I enjoyed writing it.
It's right there in the name of the blog: "Where there had been darkness, I had hung my worlds. They were my answer. When I finally walked that Valley, they would remain after me."
And longtime readers are familiar with the origin story, that I misread "worlds" as "words", but the sentiment is the same. They both represent the act of creation. Writing, creating in such a way, is a good thing. Holy, even, in its way.
So, maybe this marks a return, on a smaller scale, to hanging the occasional word in the darkness.
