Sunday, February 20, 2011

$#*! My Daughter Says

Just a random collection of Lily's wit and wisdom.

I was reading Lily a Little Mermaid story for bedtime and as we were wrapping up, she asked why Ariel had red hair. I couldn't remember the name of the pigment that accounts for red hair in humans (and presumably mer-people too), so I stalled for time while trying to recall it by saying, "Because her mom had red hair."

Lily: Or maybe it's because she dyes it.
Me: I guess that's possible. It must be hard to dye your hair underwater, though-
Lily: Or maybe she eats red seaweed!
Me: Wha-?
Lily: Yeah, instead of dying her hair, she eats red seaweed and it turns her hair red! And Triton is like 'Ariel, I don't want you eating red seaweed to be more like a human!" but she keeps eating it because she likes having red hair.
Me: (To Jen) Your daughter is weird.

Lily had a pretty nice Valentine's Day. She's only four, so everybody gives everybody else a Valentine with Scooby Doo or Jesse from Toy Story or one that says "I Choo-Choo-Choose You" and there's a picture of a train. She was telling us that she got a Valentine from a certain boy and that he was her boyfriend. She said, "Don't worry, daddy. You're my other boyfriend." Blink. "And mommy's my other girlfriend." Her other girlfriend? I didn't even know she had a first one! She had once told us that she liked two boys in her class (because they each "dance funny and don't get many time outs and sometimes they pull their eyelids down to look like monsters") and I asked her about the second boy. She said he was her "last boyfriend". Boy, we're never getting out of this rabbit hole.

Jen: Want to hear a dirty joke?
Lily: Yes!
Me: (From the other room) It's disturbing how enthusiastically she agreed.
Jen: A pig fell in the mud.
Lily: *Laughs*
Jen: Want to hear a clean joke?
Lily: Sure.
Jen: The pig took a bath.
Lily: That's not a joke.

I've mentioned that Lily likes watching anything she describes as "Scary stuff". Lately, she's been having bad dreams every night, so I asked her why she likes scary stuff when she's awake, but it scared her when she was asleep. She said, "Well, I know it's just pretend when I'm awake, but sometimes I don't remember that when I'm asleep," which I felt was an unusually cogent answer for a four-year-old.

We were watching some cooking shows on Youtube and one of the videos was some random Austrailian dude teaching us how to make doughnuts. Lily listened for a minute and said "I think he's one of the Wiggles."

I replied, "Well, he's from Australia so he sounds like one of the Wiggles, but I don't think he's actually a Wiggle."

She nodded in understanding. "Oh, right. He just pretends to be a Wiggle on TV. I think he's the one in the yellow shirt."

And I said, "Yes, that's exactly right."

Later on in the car, we were listening to some songs from the Sound of Music and Lily likes to sing along with the high notes that conclude certain songs. I told her that under certain circumstances, a human voice could shatter glass, but that she'd have to practice a lot if she wanted to be able to do that. Jen said something about not practicing it when mommy and daddy were in the house.

Lily asked, "Because daddy wears glasses and I might break them, right?"
And I said, "Yes, that's exactly right."

After we got home, Lily was talking with mom, having the same conversation that mothers and daughters have had down through the generations.

Lily: When you die your head falls off.
Jen: (Pause) I don't thinks that's always true.
Lily: It is. (Pause.) But they don't mind, because they're already dead.
Jen: ...
Lily: I think God makes people's heads fall off so He can eat them.
Jen: Lily, you have some strange ideas in your head.

I have two tags at my blog, Lily does something cute and Lily does something horrid, and it's strange much overlap there is between the two.

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