Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Evaluating the Evil Overlord list, 91 - 100

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

Evaluation: Prudent

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

Evaluation: Unlikely

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

Evaluation: A good overlord is going to want to avoid public execution. Just use the lead pipe in the conservatory and stick his head on a pike afterward.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

Evaluation: Prudent

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

Evaluation: Prudent

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

Evaluation: Hello Star Wars tropes! It’s nice to see you again!

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

Evaluation: Prudent

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Evaluation: Pardon me, your terribleness, you’re trying to run an evil empire, not critique a screwball comedy.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Evaluation: Obviously that specific file size is no longer a barrier, but the intent behind it is prudent.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Evaluation: It was phrased as the cutting edge of 90s internet humor, but I do think this has merit. I even think there’s an interesting story in this. You’re going to want to want to have a filtered version of the internet, so give me a story of a day in the life of a low-level staffer at Mordor’s Pravda.

And that's the list! I'll probably post a recap in a couple days, where I break down the percentages of each answer.

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