The Best Dads in Fiction

The Top Ten Dads in fiction

Just in time for Father’s Day! Like my list of the best siblings in fiction, this list is heavily skewed towards genre fiction, because that’s what I tend to read.

Limiting Criteria and notable omissions

No Mentors: Rather, no characters who are only mentors, as a good father will also be a good mentor to his child. There’s clearly a bit of overlap between good parents and mentors, but the distinction I’m making here is that I’m not looking at anyone who was introduced into the character’s life after childhood or whose primary interaction with the character is outside the home. No Giles, no Dumbledore, no Doctors Who.  They’re admirable figures, but they’re outside the scope of this list. (I was thinking of making a distinction between characters who are the biological fathers of their children and those who not, but I came to my senses. Biological paternity isn't an important part of being a father.)

A Dad-Shaped Hole:  One of the smartest choices the Supergirl TV show made was the decision to leave Superman on the fringe. We see him as a silhouette in flashbacks and a distant figure and presence on the other end of a text conversation with Kara. That was the only way way he would have worked. Removing him entirely would beg the question "Where is Superman?" and making him any more prominent than they did would have overshadowed a character that did not yet have her own identity in that sphere. A dad who exists only as an idealized memory for his children doesn't qualify.

That Belongs to Me!: I was looking around on the internets, and most examples of good dads in genre fiction are variations of Liam Neeson's octogenarian serial killer from Taken. "The Papa Wolf: Don't take his stuff, or he'll kill you."

I don't like that, because it reduces the child to level of a prop. The true measure of worth as a father is not how much more you love your family than everyone else. I want somebody who loves his kids and respects them and prepares them for their adult lives, not the McGuffin at the end of his roaring rampage of revenge.

Ned Stark: This one is practically de rigueur for geek lists, but as I’ve discussed elsewhere on this blog, I don’t think he was a good dad. Even my friend Nicole agrees, and she's married to the mirror universe George R. R. Martin (He's skinny, handsome and has neither beard nor hat).

Ned loved his kids, but he didn’t prepare them for life outside Winterfell, where leadership consists of publicly decapitating traumatized refugees who were just trying to escape the paramilitary organization into which they were involuntarily conscripted.

The Ten Best Dads 

(+ One Bonus Dad, because Josh miscounted when he was making the list!)

 

11) Gomez Addams (The Addams Family) :  He's creepy and he's kooky, yes, he's mysterious and spooky. I would go so far as to say that he's all together ooky. However, the reason I like Gomez is that he's crazy about his family.

You see it more in the TV show than with the movies, which is why I picked John Aston over Raul Julia for the picture, but they both convey what I like about the character, his boundless gonzo enthusiasm and deep, unabashed love for his family.



10.) Arthur Weasely (The Sisterhood of the Pottering Pants): No list would be complete without  kindly, decent Arthur Weasely. (Seriously, he's always on these lists, even the non-fantasy ones.) One of the very few good dads in a very large series, he's often overshadowed by his my extroverted wife, but together they form the foundation on which the entire series is built.

9.) Jean Valjean (Les Misérables): I've always found Javert a more interesting character, but Jean Valjean is unquestionably one of the best dads out there. The reason he's not ranked higher is that his character arc concludes so early in the narrative that he winds up being a a rather flat character. Still, he loves Cosette, and he dedicates his life to her. (And Le Miz is really her story anyway.)

8.) Ben Parker (Spider-Man): He barely meets the criteria of being a character, but I'm going to include him because I think Cliff Robertson's portrayal, as brief as it was, is the glue that holds the Spider-Man movie together. 

7.) Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender): He's the uncle rather than biological father to Prince Zuko. Long before the series began, Iroh's own son died while under his command, and this devastated him. Like Valjean above, Iroh had his epiphany before the main thrust of the story, but his mellow good humor makes him much more fun.

He, as much as anyone knows the kind of monster Zuko's father is. And honestly, there is a lot in the story to suggest that Iroh wasn't a very good father to his own son when he was alive. It was only after his son's death that he became the man that we see in Avatar.

He is everything a father should be to Zuko, patient and kind and understanding. He teaches Zuko by example. He sees the mistakes his nephew is going to make, but respects Zuko's right to make them and he's there to catch Zuko when he falls.

6.) Tatsuo Kusakabe (My Neighbor Totoro):  Or almost any dad from a Miyazaki movie, really. My daughter wanted to add Kiki’s Dad, from Kiki’s Delivery Service. I was like “Yeah, what a great dad!  He let her take the radio.” (That was sarcasm.) But she pointed out that he let her take the radio, and he loved her and supported her and let her go off on her adventure.

Mister Kusakabe is just a good guy. Trying to give his young daughters as normal a life as possible while their mother is in the hospital, working to provide for them, listening to the. I don't think he really believes in the Totoros, but he acts as if he does, and that's such a nice thing to do.

5.) Charles Halloway (Something Wicked This Way Comes): This isn't something kids get about adults until they get older, but we have our doubts and fears too. 

The Witch, if she were alive, would have known that sound, and died again

Charles Halloway is an old man, and he worries that he's too old to be a proper father to his son.

“Dad," said Will, his voice very faint. "Are you a good person?"

"To you and your mother, yes, I try. But no man's a hero to himself. I've lived with me a lifetime, Will. I know everything worth knowing about myself-"

"And, adding it all up...?"

"The sum? As they come and go, and I mostly sit very still and tight, yes, I'm all right.”

Spoiler, he turns out to be a pretty good dad after all.




4.) Keith Mars (Veronica Mars) 
I love Keith. He was always my favorite character on the show.

Lily once said that I only like people who make mistakes, and that's as true as anything anyone's ever said about me. Veronica is haunted by the ghost of the girl she used to be. Veronica loses as much as she wins, but she always comes back for more. Veronica is a competent investigator, with the skill set one would reasonably expect to find in the daughter of a sheriff turned PI. She's sensible, she's methodical, and she knows the tricks of the trade, but she's not brilliant. 

And everything she is, Keith helped her become.

3.) Pa Kent (Superman) (panel from All Star Superman)

Click to embiggen

Young Justice was a TV show from 2011 that suffered from the same problem afflicting a lot of DC Universe properties. The creators loved Batman and hated Superman. In Young Justice, which was  otherwise a decent show, Batman was this cool father figure to the team of young heroes, and Superman was a prickly, standoffish jerk who couldn't stand to be around his own clone.

There have been and will continue to be many different interpretations of the characters, but some things about them are constant. A Batman who is kinder than Superman is just as wrong as a Batman who is stronger than Superman.  He's up to what, five Robins now? "Come here, little boy. I have some elf boots.  Those don’t fit? Don’t worry. I have several pairs. Don't mind the blood."

Superman would have been a great dad, just like Johnathan Kent. When he was pitching All-Star Superman, Grant Morrison said "'Superman' is an act. 'Clark Kent' in Metropolis is also an act. There are actually two Kents, at least – one is a disguise, a bumbling, awkward mask for Superman. The other is the confident, strong, good-hearted Clark Kent who was raised by his surrogate Ma and Pa in Kansas and knows how to drive a tractor. I think he's the most 'real' of all."

That's who Johnathan Kent was and who Clark Kent aspires to be.

2.) Tenzin (The Legend of Korra): I love Tenzin. On one level he's a hilariously grumpy sitcom dad,

Pema: Dear, the best thing you can do right now is to give Korra some space.
Tenzin: You must promise me that your teenage years won't be like this!
Jinora: I will make no such promises.

but he's also an incomparable badass. He fares much better than Korra against the Equalists, for instance. (You'd think someone who solved her problems with her fists for her entire life would be better at using them.)

He's fundamentally decent person. You often hear variations on the phrase "He would do anything for his kids" as a compliment, but I it struck me as I was reviewing episodes for this post that Tenzin wouldn't. There are lines he will not cross. He will not commit abhorrent acts in their name. When his home and temple are invaded and supervillains take his family and his students hostage, Tenzin's kids are right there getting the hostages to safety. He taught them to stand up for themselves and for other people, by setting that example.

1.) Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird):

The Free Space on the Good Dad Bingo Board and for good reason. Even after Go Set a Watchmen, he remains the ideal to which dads expire. Atticus is a widower doing his best to raise his children in 1930s Alabama.

My grandfather served as a marine in WWII, leaving high school early in order to serve.  He supported his family for half a century. As an old friend of his said at his funeral, "He always had a smile for everyone and he never talked too loud." There is a scene in "To Kill a Mockingbird" where Atticus shoots a rabid dog. He doesn't go bragging about it afterwards. He doesn't exchange high fives with his friends. He did it because he was the best equipped to do it, and he went on with his life afterwards. I loved my grandpa. He was a good man. He always made me think of Atticus.

Atticus did his best. He was warm and kind and good.

"If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it", is some darn good advice.

Balticon 50 Part 1: Friday, I'm in Love

We went to Balticon 50 for Memorial Day weekend.  I was actually pretty lukewarm on this convention at first, but as my friends tagged along to (Re)Generation Who because I was so enthused about it, I figured the least I could do would be to repay them that courtesy. I wound up having a really good time, so it all worked out in the end anyway.

Our cast

Me: Josh, the hero of this blog.
Jen: The long-suffering Mrs. Josh.
Lily: Our precocious daughter.
Nicole: Our next door neighbor, the George R.R. Martin superfan.  She planned to disguise herself as his porkpie hat and elope with him.
Jeremiah: Mr. Nicole, third corner of the George-Jer-Nicole love triangle, video-game podcaster extraordinaire!
Young Master J: Their son, Linus to Lily’s Lucy.

Long Day's Journey into Maryland

We drove down on Friday in Jen’s vehicle.  Even with the convention discount, rates were pretty high, so we stayed at a different hotel than the one where the con was being held. It was just a couple blocks away, so it worked out pretty well.  We arrived shortly after registration opened, and it all went smoothly. Jen was dressed as a Weeping Angel and the kids went as Black Widow and Falcon. I was supposed to do a father-daughter costume of Deathstroke and Rose Wilson with Lily, but she changed her mind at the last minute, so I went as a fat dude in a comic-book t-shirt instead. (It was very convincing) If anyone asked, I told them I was dressed as Kevin Smith.

Part of the reason for my initial ambivalence about the con is that when I think of geeks, I do have a negative initial impression, even though I identify as one. Without any other context, when I hear the word, I think of misogynistic basement dwellers engaged in games of petty one-upmanship. Yeah, #notallgeeks, but I take a rather dim view of our subculture, as we’re a subset of humanity, another group of which I have pessimistic expectations.

However, my expectations were subverted in the best way possible, because the people that we came to see (George Martin, Peter Beagle and the staff from March's Dr. Who con) were all really cool. People were friendly and courteous towards Jen and the kids with their costumes, and it was all pretty wonderful. There were tons of workshops and people sharing their passions and that kind of thing. It was a pretty great crowd.

The I saw someone in a ROADMARKS t-shirt. I only saw it out of the corner of my eye and he was gone before I processed it. It had writing on the top of the image, and my best guess is that the image from the book was used for another convention or appropriated by a fan group. I really wish I’d been able to catch the guy to ask him. Zelazny had been the guest of honor for Balticon 21 in 1987, and I thought the shirt might have been from that, but the program book featured a different image. (Also, the t-shirt would have been thirty years old and they seldom last that long.)

The First Night 

My status update on Facebook for that night: I'm at Balticon, and I'm the only person in the restroom. Another attendee enters, loudly proclaims "Excellent!" and heads into a stall. Meanwhile, my daughter and her friend have co-opted the abandoned table full of pamphlets for a Furry convention, and are enthusiastically welcoming all passers-by.

Going to be a memorable weekend.

I'm not sure quite what was going on for the first part.  It happened pretty much as I described it there.

 

The Furry convention in question was Fur the 'More.  That's not my particular scene, but I've got to admit that's a pretty great name for a con. We bought a shot glass from them when they returned later in the weekend.

The kids were really cute at the table.

Continue on to part two, Saturday!

Balticon 50 Part 2: Saturday, what a day Groovin' all week with you

Part two of our trip to Balticon 50. Part One, Part Three.

Return to the Con

We made it back to the hotel for some early morning panels. Jen had gone through the schedule and highlighted panels and activities of interest. One of them was scheduled for ten o’clock: The creators of Intervention Con and (Re)Generation Who talk about what the process is like of taking a convention from a good idea to a successful event.

The panel was run by Oni Hartstein and James Harknell. I wasn't actually interested in learning how to run a convention; I was just there so I could tell them how much I liked (Re)Generation Who. That said, I was extremely impressed by how Oni laid things out. More on RegenWho crew later, but she seemed like an exemplary showrunner. She mentioned her leadership position in the real world and how she applies that expertise to running conventions. Honestly, that’s something our fandom could use more of, as too often we try to substitute passion for expertise, and the exchange rate is seldom very good.

She explained the whats and whys very clearly, and methods seemed practical and data-driven. The two (R)GWs were well run, and I can see now that this wasn’t an accident. I’m pleased that something I enjoy so much will be around for so much time to come.

She was wearing a Sixth Doctor costume, but I didn’t realize it until she came out and said so. In my defense, she was seated at a table for most of the panel and I only saw the top of her body, and on top of that, the crossplay threw me, as the Sixth Doctor, outside of certain fan fics, rarely wore a corset.  I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t even recognize it as a costume; I just thought “Oni’s taste in clothes is kind of tacky.”

After that we went down to their table, and I had the chance to talk with them about how much I loved the con.  The thing that had struck me at the time of (Re)Generation Who was how enthralled Kara Dennison looked when she was listening to the thoughtful responses of the guests when she was moderating the panels. She confirmed that impression when I mentioned it, and spoke briefly about how lovely all of the guests were. It’s wonderful to see your faith in the people you admire affirmed. I was talking with Nicole afterwards, and she mentioned that she had the same concerns I did. What happens if these people you were so excited to meet turned out to be giant jerks? I’m so happy this wasn’t the case.

 Jen’s Weeping Angel costume was very popular too, with both the (R)GW crew and the convention crowd as a whole. She got a lot of “Don’t blink!” comments and had a really good time.

The Foodie

Later on, we ran into Scott Edelman.

I follow his blog, so I recognized him from his picture. (And bravo to him for using a profile picture that actually resembles how he looks in real life.) Jer was talking to him. I looked over and thought "Hey, that guy looks like Scott Edelman." Tick. "And that's what his name tag says, too."

Jeremiah didn't know who he was. He's just friendly. He has some kind of strange mutant power hitherto unknown in my circle of socially stunted introverts, where he can go right up to someone and just start talking to them! It’s downright astounding.

I filled him in as we were walking away from the hotel to get some lunch. "That was Scott Edelman. He’s a very well-respected genre editor, and he has a blog and a podcast called Eating the Fantastic.”

We saw Scott in the crosswalk and Jer was like "So, I hear you're a foodie..."

Heh heh. That’s awesome.

While J. was in the bathroom,  Nicole and I were waiting outside and a woman who had seen him go in remarked to me. “That little kid has the best Batman costume I’ve ever seen.”

J. can be very exacting about the language used to describe his interests.  That’s hardly an uncommon trait in the geek community (and it’s a one I certainly share) and it’s certainly more pronounced in children. The problem with this was that he wasn’t Batman; he was the Falcon.

Me: Did she just call J. Batman?
Nicole: Yeah.
Me: J. would have lost his shit if he’d been here.
Nicole: Yup.
Me: We’ve got to tell him.
Nicole: Of course! 

We had a superhero escort as we  returned to the hotel in the late afternoon. Jen went back for masquerade rehearsal, and Lily wanted some downtime, so we swam in the pool and watched some TV. The masquerade wound up being a bigger commitment than Jen had expected, so she opted not to participate. That was the end for us for that evening.

Continue on to part three!

Balticon 50, Part 3: Sunday Morning Coming Down

Part three of our trip to Balticon 50, covering Sunday.
Part One; Friday
Part Two: Saturday

Sunday

The last day of a convention is always kind of quiet. Balticon actually runs for four days, but we were only staying for three, so this was the last day for us.

I was mostly wandering around and watching the kids. I wanted to go to a panel on writing for RPGs, not because I’m interested in doing so as a career, but because I was curious about the techniques involved. Unfortunately, the room was double booked and the panel was either going to be moved or rescheduled. I didn’t hang around to see which one it was. I had Lily in tow, and she was already getting pretty antsy, so we wound up in the anime room instead. We watched the second half of My Neighbor Totoro and all of Kiki’s Delivery Service. I’d never watched either in a group before. It was fun. They’re both great movies. I first showed Totoro to Lily when she was three and she’s loved it ever since. I maintain that the scene where they’re dredging the pond is one of the best directed scenes in all cinema, animated or otherwise.

My Neighbor Totoro

The basic plot of the movie is that a young professor and his two daughters move out to the countryside in postwar Japan in order to be close to the mom, who had been hospitalized for spinal tuberculosis. It's such a nice little film. I had vague recollections of having seen it as a teenager, but I don't think I ever watched it all the way through, because it has neither ninja nor giant robots.


I thought it might be scary for Lily at three, because they talk about parents dying, but she weathered it just fine. There's a scene where the eight-year-old sister, Satsuki, is talking to the four-year-old, Mei. Their mom was supposed to come home for the weekend, but her visit from the hospital had been postponed because she had caught a cold. Mei says that she wants mom to come home anyway, and while Satsuki does too, she understands the reality of the situation and knows that she has to stay. But Mei is insistent and in her disappointment and frustration, Satsuki yells at her sister "Do you want mom to die?!"

Mei starts crying and she runs away and decides to walk to the hospital by herself. She gets lost and the whole village is searching for her. Satsuki is running all over the countryside, and someone catches her and tells her that they found a little girl's sandal by the pond and it might be Mei's.

So Satsuki races there as fast as she can, and you see the adults are dredging the pond. She runs up and an old woman holds up the sandal and asks if the sandal is Mei's. What follows is a ten-second eternity while Satsuki catches her breath enough to answer the question. The whole scene is so well put-together, and while we wait for Satsuki to answer, the frame slowly draws in on the woman holding the sandal, and that effect and the half-hopeful, half-fearful expression on her face gives the impression that the whole world is closing in.

Roger Ebert loved it. It's on his list of great movies.

From the review:

Here is a children's film made for the world we should live in, rather than the one we occupy. A film with no villains. No fight scenes. No evil adults. No fighting between the two kids. No scary monsters. No darkness before the dawn. A world that is benign. A world where if you meet a strange towering creature in the forest, you curl up on its tummy and have a nap.

 There is none of the kids-against-adults plotting of American films. The family is seen as a safe, comforting haven. The father is reasonable, insightful and tactful, accepts stories of strange creatures, trusts his girls, listens to explanations with an open mind. It lacks those dreary scenes where a parent misinterprets a well-meaning action and punishes it unfairly.

 I'm afraid that in praising the virtues of ''My Neighbor Totoro'' I have made it sound merely good for you, but it would never have won its worldwide audience just because of its warm heart. It is also rich with human comedy in the way it observes the two remarkably convincing, lifelike little girls (I speak of their personalities, not their appearance). It is awe-inspiring in the scenes involving the totoro, and enchanting in the scenes with the Cat Bus. It is a little sad, a little scary, a little surprising and a little informative, just like life itself. It depends on a situation instead of a plot, and suggests that the wonder of life and the resources of imagination supply all the adventure you need.

Well, that was a long digression, but this post would have been pretty short without it.

Then it was time to go home after the rest of our group finished watching their panels.

One More Thing

One other thing happened at the con. On Friday night, as we were walking back, Lily met her first person. All the adults walked past him, and she stopped and apologized for not having any money, then picked a flower to give him from a bush near a bank building. We decided at that point to give him some money. I'm happy that she saw him as a human being deserving of respect.She's very good and very gentle, which sometimes worries me, because I think Hemingway was right about what the world does to those kind of people, but mostly I’m proud of her persistence and her compassion.  I was thinking of the parallels between that and how she rescued the stray cat that came to our house. Each time, she saw an injustice, and didn't have the power to correct it herself, so she petitioned someone who did and kept at it until we helped.

All right, enough being serious. The con was fun. I’m really happy I had the opportunity to talk to the organizers from (Re)Generation Who. They’re great people with a palpable enthusiasm for their passions, and absolute professionals about running the show.

We almost got to talk to Peter Beagle, but missed him twice. I didn’t meet with George R.R. Martin, but Nicole did, and she said he was a great guy.  It was a wonderful experience.

Plus, we bought the Kittens expansion for Munchkin. How can you top that?

Game of Thrones: The IMAX Experience

As I've mentioned, we're fans of Game of Thrones, and we live next door to a superfan.  One of the local theaters was showing the last two episodes of the season on the IMAX screen, so we decided to see it before we left. Some thoughts.

We had already seen these episodes. There were maybe twenty people in the theater, and I would be extremely surprised if any one of them hadn't seen the episodes we watched multiple times.

The first of the episodes was The Watchers on the Wall, the one where Castle Black goes all Helm's Deep. I was pretty disappointed the first time I saw it, as I don't find this storyline particularly interesting. As AGOT usually splits up its episodes (I think this is only the second one that didn't, Blackwater being the first), I can usually wait through the storylines I don't like in anticipation of the ones I do. I didn't have that option this time, so I didn't enjoy the episode much of the first viewing. (When our neighbor asked me what I thought of the episode when it first aired, I believe my response was "I liked it all except for the parts on the Wall).

Now that I knew what I'd be getting, I could appreciate it for what it was, and not disparage it for not being what I had hoped. It's still a very good episode, and certainly the best suited for the big screen treatment. I could see every one of Maester Aemon's nose hairs.

317!

On the flip side, Jen commented that the intro seemed grainy, and I couldn't dispute that. It's CG optimized for the small screen, so, of course it wouldn't upscale as well as the rest of the show, but a new IMAX introduction wouldn't have been out of the question, and it wouldn't have left us with our first impression as mildly negative one. (On a tangent, I found this article on AGOT from the perspective of a cinematographer, and I found it interesting)

Watchers on the Wall was extremely well executed from a technical point of view, though sometimes the top of the Wall looked like a set.

The Children was the second episode. It was less suited for the IMAX treatment than tWotW, as the scenes have a lot of emotional heft, but not as much cinematic spectacle.

Something I did notice for the first time: I don't think the actor who plays Stannis knows how to ride, or get off a horse. I don't think we ever see him riding (though I could be mistaken), and there is an extremely awkward cut where he begins to dismount, it cuts away for just a moment for no particular reason, and then he's standing next to his horse.

I mean, I can't ride a horse either, but I don't have a job that requires me to.

It was fun. I enjoyed going with friends, and the episodes were followed by the season 5 trailer, which looked much better on an IMAX screen than it did on my phone.

I'd probably do something like this again. I'd like to get some kind of Rocky Horror Picture Show thing going on, and have people yell "You're not so pretty anymore!" when Brienne bites off the Hound's ear.

Crossover Combat: World's Best Dad: Stark versus Atreides

I like Frank Herbert's Dune Universe. Not to the extent that I like Roger Zelazny's work, but I return to the original books (I even like Heretics and Chapterhouse!) every year or two. (However, I share Penny Arcade's opinion on Brian Herbert's unnecessary prequels.)

Likewise, I enjoy A Game of Thrones/ASOIAF, as my posts on the topic will show.

Two Houses, both alike in dignity...

Two Houses enter, one House leaves!

This started out as a Father's Day post, but I didn't have it completed on time, and felt no particular rush to finish it once I had missed that deadline.

There are a number of similarities between Ned Stark and Leto Atreides.

They each find themselves in very similar situations in the beginning of their respective stories, being pressured to accept an ostensible boon that is also clearly a danger (rulership of Arrakis/the position of the King's Hand), underestimating their opposition, dying relatively early in their respective sagas, but survived by their wife and children. Heck, they each even apprenticed their kids to dancing masters. (Paul gave the short bow his dancing master had taught—the one used “when in doubt of another's station.”) and after death, their heads wind up taking on special significance.

 How did each man comport himself?

1.) The Call to Adventure:

This one is a gimmee. Have you ever played a Choose Your Own Adventure book? I have the vague recollection of a few that give you a choice like

If you want to serve as King's Hand, turn to page 81.
If you choose to stay in the North, turn to page 17.

And page 17 wasn't even necessarily a bad end. Sure, in the early CYOA stories, they were more likely to kill you arbitrarily for making the reasonable but wrong choice.

Page 17

You stay in the North, and rule there happily and well for the next two weeks, until you slip on a wet cobblestone and crack your head open.

Later books in the series might be

Page 17

You stay in the North, and rule there happily and well for the next seventy years. Occasionally, you wonder what would have happened had you relocated to King's Landing, but these thoughts trouble you less and less as you age into your dottage. You die at home in your bed at the age of 107, surrounded by a great brood of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

 but still end the story right there, which is, of course, unsatisfying.

Verdict: Tie. There is some discussions of rejecting the call by allies of each man, but none of it serious. Each of them made the choice that was best for his kids. 

 2.) Judging the Threat: 

 The circumstances are somewhat different here. Arrakis was, specifically a trap, whereas the position of the Hand, while containing its own dangers, was not. Each recognizes that he will be taking his family into danger, but underestimates the magnitude of this danger.

 

Verdict: Advantage to Leto. He has a clearer understanding of the forces opposing him, whereas Ned tends to judge things in the context of their relationship to the Lannisters. Leto is crushed by the overwhelming legions of Imperial Sardaukar. It's the equivalent of your GM saying, "Rocks fall. Everybody dies." Ned could have survived, but he bungled three judgment calls in quick succession (Telling Cersei, rebuffing Renly, trusting Littlefinger) and basically doomed himself.

 3.) The Betrayal:

Each man was betrayed from with, Leto by his doctor, Wellington Yueh,

"My liege, I'm not sure if I trust this guy! Look at his porn star, mustache!" "Relax, Thufir. He's Al from Quantum Leap!"

and Ned by Petyr Baelish.

Littlefinger is often held up in geek circles as a good example of long term planning, and I think he deserves a lot of that credit. He plays to his strengths, keeps things as simple as possible, and he's there to take personal involvement to shepherd his plans to the next stage or react to unanticipated events.

Yueh would have been the obvious subject, save that he was conditioned with a pyretic conscience, the specifics of which were vague, but presumably prevented him from betraying a patient rather than merely preventing physical harm, as a betrayal of secrets would be equally devastating for someone in the Duke's position.

Verdict: Yueh was the first and only Suk doctor whose conditioning was compromised, in a galactic civilization containing trillions of people. Littlefinger is the most weaselly character imaginable, he practically humps Catelyn's leg whenever they're in a scene together, and repeatedly cautions Ned not to trust him. Advantage: Leto.


 4.) Rulership:

I think it's pretty much settled fact that Robert was not an especially good king. I don't think Ned would have been, either. The position requires too much compromise. I do think, however, that Ned was suited for the Lordship at Winterfell, where beheading petty criminals is a skill one places prominently on one's resume. His common sense solutions work for moderating disputes between semi-autonomous vassals, but once there are more than two degrees of separation, loyalty and charisma only go so far.

Leto had all of Ned's personal charisma, plus he understood what made for good spectacle, and good politics. I was thinking of Leto during the Rains of Castamere episode. Leto never married Jessica, only took her as his ducal consort, because that allowed the possibility of an alliance through marriage. Being a good ruler means sometimes having to do something that contradicts your personal wants, needs, or values.

Verdict: Leto


5.) Training of the Children:

Ned loved his kids, certainly, but he did a shitty job of teaching them the skills that would keep them alive. Paul and Arya each had a dancing master. Well, presumably, Paul had a dancing master and Arya had "dancing master". Syrio Forel was pretty awesome in the series.

Pall had a shitty childhood in a lot of ways. He was trained by a Mentat-assasssin, and in modern and ancient combat, and in all manner of Bene Gesserit skullduggery by his mom.  He was taught anything that would keep him alive.

That's the kind of childhood the Starks should have had. You put them all together, and they actually have a half decent education, but damn, if Winter really is coming, Ned dropped the ball. Again.

Verdict: Leto


6.) Disposition of the head:

This is a tough one to quantify.  Ned's head is stuck on a pike in the keep, and it gives rise to a Joffrey really is a bastard moment. ("How long to I have to look?" "As long as it pleases me.") Leto's skull is in some weird shrine on Dune, and essentially becomes a symbol of Paul's jihad.

Verdict: Ned. Nobody committed interstellar genocide after praying to his head.



Bottom Line: Tom Hardy used the phrase "destructive integrity" in a recent interview, and I think it applies to Ned. It's possible to be a good loving parent and still mess up your kid. His parenting left his children unprepared to deal with the challenges they would face.

Go, ahead, Leto. You've earned it.

Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 5: "I bet his hair is greasier than Joffrey's..."

We open with Tommen getting crowned. He's wearing such a flat expression that he looks like a Targaryen.

Cersei approaches Margaery, whom I will henceforth refer to as "Natalie", because I can never remember how to spell her name, and I always have to look it up and paste "Margaery" into whatever I'm writing. Cersei is rather frank. Joffrey was crazy, but she still loved him because he was her son. My favorite scene with Cersei and Joffrey was near the beginning of the series, where she's bandaging his wound after he was mauled by a dire wolf. He's afraid that he's a coward, and she reassures him that he's not. I could believe that she really loved him. Even the most monstrous of us are human beings.

It's a really great discussion. Natalie says all the right things, and is perhaps a bit nervous that Cersei is acting so rationally. It's pretty clear that Cersei is still jockeying to hold on to some power, but it's one of those instances where being a decent person will get her closer to her goals, so that's what she's doing. It's a nice bit. It's really nice to see two women talking together, which is something that occurs far too infrequently in media.

Meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea, Dany is like "Waaaaah, queening is hard!"

Her accent is weird. It reminds me of Brad Pitt in Troy, where his accent wasn't quite British, but that affected accent that Americans use when portraying characters from ancient times. No, that's not true. It's the accent of something who only had old VHS copies of the Princess Bride, and who taught herself English by listening to Christopher Guest as Count Rugen. Much like every other aspect of her performance, it's awful and distracting.

Plus, when I'm finished watching one of her scenes, I feel like it's sucked away one year of my life.

I love how wikiquote characterizes her reactions.

Jorah Mormount: Joffrey Baratheon is dead. Murdered at his own wedding. (Daenerys stares at him in amazement)
Barristan Selmy: And we've taken the Meereenese Navy, Your Grace.
Daario Neharis: The Second Sons took the Meereenese Navy.
Daenerys Targaryen: (sharply)Who told you to take their Navy?

Here's how she looks when she's staring "in amazement"

and here's how she looks when she's speaking sharply.

Lady's a chameleon!

I hear more emotion from the voice that gives me turn by turn directions when I use the navigation on my phone. "Turn left on Schultz av-en-nue. Your des-tin-at-tion is on the right."

It's the usual "Aren't we the best?" self-congratulatory circle jerk I've come to expect with scenes featuring Daenerys and her man-harem, but there is one funny line in the scene, where Daaaaaaaario tells her that he took the Mereenese navy. When she asks he why he did this, he answers "I heard you like ships."

He's such a monumental tool.

She totally deserves him.

We cut to Sansa and Littlefinger approaching the Aerie. Sansa looks about two feet taller than Littlefinger.

We meet Aunt Lysa and her son Robin. They're crazy. Then again, her sister kidnapped a dwarf, so maybe there's something wrong with the Tullys. Turns out Lysa was crazy for Littlefinger, and she poisoned her husband at his behest. She's all like, "Exposition turns me on. Let's fuck," and he's clearly disgusted by the whole thing.

They get their bow-chikka-wow on, and it's awkward for Sansa in the suite below.

The scene changes to Tywin and Cersei. Tommen's wedding is scheduled for a fortnight, with Cersei's wedding to Ser Loras to follow another two weeks after that. Cersei is, again, suspiciously reasonable. Tywin tells her that they need these weddings, because their mines have run dry and they need the money the Tyrells will bring in order to pay their debt to the Iron Bank of Bravos.

The scene ends with Cersei observing that Tywin is acting to protect the legacy of the Lannisters and asking "What does Tyrion deserve for lighting the future on fire?"

That moustache is punishment enough.

We get a short scene with Arya reciting her list of names of people to kill. Something seems a bit off about this scene, because the Hound doubtless would have heard the list before, and it shouldn't require explaining at this point in their relationship.

Lysa Arryn has a nice chat with her niece, and comes completely unhinged after two minutes. She tells Sansa to stay away from her man, because her boobs belong to Littlefinger and Robin alone. Sansa eventually convinces her crazy aunt that she's still a virgin, and Aunt Lysa tells her that she'll be married to Robin. Won't that be a treat?

Then we get a wonderful scene with Brienne and Podrick, with the pair riding along and Podrick barely managing to control his horse. These two are fun.

Next scene, the Hound wakes, and seeks out Arya, who is practicing her swordplay. Maisie Williams begins a flip, the camera cuts away to obfuscate the identity of her stunt double, and then returns to show Maisie sticking the landing.

Ugh, that was awful. Never do that again.

The scene is somewhat redeemed by the hearty laugh the Hound has at her expense.

Sandor Clegane: The hell you doing?
Arya Stark: Practicing.
Sandor Clegane: What, ways to die?
Arya Stark: No one's going to kill me.
Sandor Clegane: They will if you nance around like that. That's no way to fight.
Arya Stark: It's not fighting. It's water dancing.
Sandor Clegane: Dancing? Maybe you ought to put on a dress. Who taught you that shite?
Arya Stark: The greatest swordsman who ever lived. Syrio Forel, the First Sword to the Sealord of Braavos.
Sandor Clegane: [scoffs] Braavos. Greasy-haired little bastard, I bet. They all are.
Arya Stark: What do you know about anything?
Sandor Clegane: I bet his hair is greasier than Joffrey's cunt.
Arya Stark: It was not.
Sandor Clegane: Was? He dead?
Arya Stark: Yes.
Sandor Clegane: How?
Arya Stark: He was killed.
Sandor Clegane: Who by?
Arya Stark: Meryn Trant. That's why Ser Meryn--
Sandor Clegane: Meryn Trant? The greatest swordsman who ever lived killed by Meryn fucking Trant?
Arya Stark: He was outnumbered.
Sandor Clegane: Any boy whore with a sword could beat three Meryn Trants.
Arya Stark: Syrio didn't have a sword. Or armor. Just a stick.
Sandor Clegane: The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn't have a sword? [laughs] All right. You have a sword. Let's see what he taught you. Go on, do it for your Braavosi friend. Dead like all the rest of your friends.
[Arya stabs him with Needle, but the sword won't penetrate his armor and Sandor smacks her in the face]
Sandor Clegane: Your friend's dead and Meryn Trant's not 'cause Trant had armor and a big fucking sword.

This was really pretty nifty, and calls back to both an episode of season one, where Jorah got in a fight with some random Dothraki, as well as the books, where good armor is consistantly portrayed as a very large advantage.


And thirty minutes into the episode, we open on Oberyn Martell, writing poetry for one of  his daughters.

This had so many good lines. I really like Lena Headey's performance, showing Cersei as sincere in her grief, but scheming, just the same. And Oberyn is amazing, as always. When Cersei asks him to walk with her ahead of her large entourage, "May I show you the gardens?" "I couldn't very well refuse a royal escort" "No, you couldn't."

Regarding Tyrion's trial:

Oberyn: "We will have a trial and we will learn the truth."
Cersei: "We will have a trial, anyway."

When discussing Cersei's daughter, who was sent to Dorne for her safety.

Oberyn: "You have my word. We don't hurt little girls in Dorne."
Cersei:"Everywhere in the world, they hurt little girls."


Cercei asks him to send a gift to Sunspear for her daughter, and he agrees.

Then we get another scene with Podrick and Brienne, where Podrick sets a rabbit on fire, because he's never cooked before.

 He admits to Brienne that he's never done much done anything other than to pour Tyrion's wine and kill the odd member of the Kingsguard. I think I'm going to like their scenes a lot. They're probably the most fundamentally decent characters in the show.

And for the end of the episode, Locke the Superman is poking around Craster's keep. He sees Bran and the rest of the middling kids, but when he returns to report to the rest of the Night's Watch raiding party, he neglects to mention that.

We get some conversation between the kids, and I like the bit with Bran and the tree.

Then Owen comes in and gets ready to rape Meera right there. More rape, how delightful. Time to flip that "Game of Thrones has gone X days without depicting a rape" sign back to zero.

But then the Night's Watch attacks.Locke sneaks into the tent, and asks Bran to identify himself. Bran is silent, but doesn't flinch when Locke slashes one of his paralyzed legs, so he knows he's got his boy. He leaves with Bran, who takes over Hodor's body, breaks free of his chains, runs Locke down and breaks his neck.

Out, damn spot!

Damn! The Starks are the good guys? The Lannisters never mind controlled a dude to kill another dude.

And I'm kind of halfway joking here, and it's certainly justifiable self-defense to kill your kidnapper. I'm reluctant to make the comparison, because rape is something that really happens to people and mind control isn't, and I don't want to diminish the seriousness of the former. One is real, and one is pretend.

That said, what Bran did is a pretty tremendous violation of Hodor's personhood. There were plenty of animals Bran could have warged to do the deed. Hodor is clearly confused and devastated. That's a shitty thing to do to a person who calls you a friend.

Meanwhile, Jon Snow is facing down Owen. Jon has his sword, Owen has two knives. Owen's the better combatant, and soon has the advantage against Jon. He breaks out a variation of the "You learned to fight in a castle" accusation Bronn levelled against Jaime last week. It's such an odd thing to say, and even less applicable here. Whatever Eddard Stark was, he was a practical man, who loved his children. I am as certain as I am about anything, that he would never had them tutored in swordplay that wouldn't have real world application. I think the better explanation is that Owen's simply the superior fighter and his shorter weapons are more suited for the close quarters of their encounter.

He's winning, and he takes Jon down and prepares to finish him when he's stabbed in the back by one of Craster's wives. When he turns on Craster's wife, he's stabbed in the brain by Jon Snow, which was one heck of a called shot.

Aim for the medulla, Fox!

Bran and company split, and then Jon's crew teams up with Craster's wives to burn down the keep.

Pretty great episode, big improvement over last week's. Would have liked to see my girlfriend or Olenna, but you can't have everything.